When I started university a year and a half ago, I didn’t know what I was doing. I enjoyed making short films at college and was obsessed with TV dramas so, on a whim one August morning, I decided to apply for a TV Production course through clearing. Half way through the year, I realised I hated it.

It may have been partially due to a series of bad things that happened in my personal life but either way I became depressed and university was no longer a place where I felt happy or safe. Looking back, I realise I should have left there and then but the fear of failure in me crawled out and I was determined to at least complete the year even if I hated every second of it.

I got on with all the people on the course and my decision to leave was not impacted by them; it was the course and university life that were my problems.

Even when I had finished that year, I still should have thought harder about whether going back to uni would be the best thing for me but instead I was determined to go back and be with my friends, so I chose the course that, if anything was going to make me happy, surely this would be it: Creative Writing.

I loved the course. I was learning new skills and techniques for my writing that I didn’t know before. I was learning what worked for me and my voice and what didn’t. But I felt trapped.

Everything I wrote was being judged by the tutors, the other students, and most importantly, me. Nothing felt good enough. I didn’t feel good enough. Fantasy was frowned upon because it was seen as escapism whereas good writing is supposed to bring a grounding reality to the reader (whereas I believe that fantasy is one of the best ways to bring a grounding reality to a reader). Romance was always a little too cliché to write about, so with both my niches out the window, I felt lost. It was like learning to write from the start all over again.

I also felt like an outsider. I didn’t see many of my friends from the year before anymore because I was on a different campus and didn’t want to go out drinking anymore. Very few of them got in contact with me once the new year started and I lost contact with them. Even people I had been very close to in halls weren’t around anymore.

I was also an outsider to the people on my course. Looking back, I know I could have tried harder to make friends but when you’re constantly in a swirl of anxiety and unsure of yourself, and everyone else seems to be making friends so quickly and easily, it’s hard to put yourself out there.

I had my housemates and closest friends who lived nearby, but even their support (and my friends really did give me the best support, I’ll always be grateful for them), I still felt lonely. I missed home and my family and my boyfriend. I felt like everything I loved was miles and miles away. I just wasn’t happy.

At Christmas, I thought I’d give it another go. I’d work hard on my coursework and see where it got me. In January, I was offered a late entry place at a university near home to do the same course and I accepted it so that I could be at home. But I knew I wouldn’t be happy there either. I’d always felt trapped at uni and in education. I wanted to get out there and start living my life. Earn money and save up for things.  Be able to spend time with my friends and family instead of worrying about coursework and exams and deadlines all the time, three hours’ drive away from home.

I wanted to live.

So, I left university once and for all. I moved back home, found a job, and got started on living my life. And I’m happy.

7 Things I Learned From 2016

1.       Don’t rely on a guy to feel beautiful. You are beautiful whether you have a guy (or girl) to tell you so, or not. At the end of 2015, I met a guy and fell head over heels for him. For a couple of months, I felt like everything was perfect. I felt truly beautiful and confident for the first time in my life, but I pinned it all on him. So, when he left last year, I fell apart. My self-confidence dropped lower than it ever had before.

Fortunately, I had amazing friends around me to support me and help build my confidence back up. Later, I met Tommy and he made everything completely perfect again but I know that even if I had never met him, I would still be just as beautiful and confident as I feel now. It’s good to feel this way when you love someone, but know that you are always beautiful whether there is a man or woman to tell you so, or not.

2.       Sometimes you need to let people go. At the time, you could be having the time of your life but if the friendship or relationship is not making you happier and healthier – if they make you cry more than smile – then they are not making a positive impact on your life and they need to go before they make a negative one.

3.       Sometimes you need to hold people close. You never know what could happen to the people you love. My mum got cancer and it was the scariest thing my family’s ever gone through, but we held each other close and loved each other and we got through it. Even if it’s not as big and scary a thing as cancer, we all need people we love in our lives and when things get hard, we all need someone to hug and talk to.

4.       Just because something ends, doesn’t mean it’s the end. After my previously mentioned relationship fell apart, I met the man I completely believe is the love of my life. Remember, whenever things hit rock bottom, that’s the lowest they can get. Things can only get better from there, and you will find your way out of the dark cave you’ve got lost in. It might take some time or some effort, but I promise things will always, always get better.

5.       Embrace the little miracles. Every day, think of something you’re grateful for. For most of last year, I kept a ‘gratitude log’ in my bullet journal where I wrote down something I was grateful for every night. By just remembering and taking the time to think about all the small day-to-day things that make us happy will have a huge impact on your mental health. Whenever I feel bad, all I have to do is look at my gratitude log and I feel better.

6.       Embrace the big miracles. In April 2016, my niece was born. Pandora Lily is the most clever, beautiful little girl I’ve ever cuddled and I am so grateful for her. My family is the most important thing to me and this new member of the family is everything. Every now and then, these big moments happen in our lives and we need to soak up every moment of it to remember for the rest of our lives.

7.       Do what you love, right now. At the start of last year, I was in the middle of the first year of a university course I hated. I chose TV Production because I was fascinated by the subject but once I started doing it, I quickly discovered it wasn’t for me. What I really wanted to do – and have always wanted to do my entire life – is write books. So, in September, I changed my course to Creative Writing and it’s seriously the perfect course for me. Writing is my life and now I get to write and learn about writing every single day. Don’t sit around dreaming about what you want to do for the rest of your life. Do it now. Get out there and follow your dreams because we only have this one life and we need to fill it with happiness.

New Year in Poole

Agh, I’m such a bad blogger! I wrote this post last week and completely forgot to upload it. And my only excuse is that I was too busy sitting around stuffing my face with Christmas chocolate and drinking pints of tea. But anyway, here is my first blog post of 2017.

I was fortunate enough this New Year to be whisked away to Poole by Tommy. We stayed in the Holiday Inn by the Dolphin shopping centre, which was super convenient because it was just across the road from where our coach dropped us off. It was lovely there, and we got a complimentary breakfast every morning which was perfect. Last time we were in Bournemouth, we had to go out for breakfast every morning which was a bit of a pain.

On New Year’s Eve, I wore the pinafore dress and knee-high boots that my parents got me for Christmas, along with my trusty Hogwarts crest t-shirt. I can’t talk enough about how much I love this outfit. Its just so comfy! And although the boots have a heel, they’re really easy to walk in and keep my legs lovely and toasty.

By the way, I know how awkward I look in this photo. But I loved this outfit so much that I felt like it needed sharing!

After breakfast, Tommy and I went out into the town to spend a little bit of Christmas money. With a New Year’s goal of experimenting more with make-up, I bought a new Nix lipstick in the shade ‘tea rose’ and a lip primer, hoping to make it last for longer. The lipstick I’d been wearing before had been really cheap and never lasted for more than twenty minutes. After trying my new lipstick later in the day, I was pleased to discover that it lasted a lot longer.

Once we’d finished shopping, we stopped in Starbucks for a little smoothie/hot chocolate date. The cranberry cheesecake muffins are my favourites. I need to know how to make them myself! If anyone has a recipe for these, please throw it my way.

We then had a walk down to the quay where we met Tommy’s dad and went for lunch. This also gave me an opportunity to take lots of pretty pictures when we walked around some of the old houses in the town.

When lunch was over, we went for a drive to the Sandbanks and gazed longingly at all the gorgeous big houses there. If only we could ever afford one of them! Then we went for a walk around Poole Park before heading back to the hotel. I was happy to kick my boots off by then, but we’d had a lovely afternoon.

In the evening, I wasn’t feeling too well but we went to Tommy’s friend’s house to celebrate New Year’s Eve, where we ate lots of tasty food and Tommy and I both played Pictionary for the first time ever.

On Sunday, I really wasn’t feeling well so I didn’t take any photos but we had another lovely day. We went to Tommy’s dad’s house where we ate pizza and I was shown photos of Tommy when he was little. It was a nice, relaxing New Year’s day.

I hope you all had a lovely start to the New Year too, and I wish you all an amazing 2017.

Christmas at the Morledge House 2016

Christmas is my absolute favourite time of year, and this year was especially amazing because I got to spend it with Tommy <3 I’m so lucky to have such a fantastic family and brilliant boyfriend to enjoy the festive season with, and this year was no exception.

The day started when I woke up at 6:45am and, not able to get back to sleep, joined my sister in my parents’ room and opened our stockings. Stockings are always exciting because they are our first venture into the happiness of the day. They’re usually full of little, happiness-bringing things like chocolate and in my case, make-up, pens and toiletries.

Once all the stockings were opened, my dad went downstairs and called up the ever familiar “He’s been!” and we all piled downstairs in our Christmas pyjamas to sit around the tree and start opening our presents. It's exciting not only to receive all the beautiful things our loved ones give us, but also to watch as people open the things that we give them. My gifts included lots of books, stationery, cosy clothes and hot chocolate. I also received a pair of boots that I've wanted for a long time, and a camera so I can start taking beautiful photos for this blog!

After getting dressed, my dad and I drove out to town to pick Tommy up and then opened the presents we’d got each other. Tommy got me a Waterstones gift card – he knows me very well! I already know one of the books I’m going to buy with it, and you can probably expect a post about it in the near future.

My grandparents soon arrived and a delicious Christmas dinner made by my mum was served. Honestly, there is nothing I love more than Christmas dinner. Everything about it is perfect. Even the sprouts make my mouth water.

Crackers were pulled and we were delighted to find frogs inside which we quickly got to work hopping across the table. My granddad (sporting a fabulous Christmas hat) won the day when he scored a hole-in-one by flipping the frog straight into my nanna’s bowl of Christmas pudding.

Once we’d all recovered a bit from our ginormous meal, we spent the rest of the day playing games, all in the effort to win ‘top prizes’, which ended up being an assortment of spectacular items including Kinder eggs, soap and gummy pizza. We also had a video chat with my sister and niece.

After a shower and when everyone had gone to bed, Tommy and I drank some delicious Whittard’s hot chocolate (my favourite; a Christmas gift from my parents) before falling asleep, ready for Boxing Day.

This Christmas has been an amazing and special one, and there's still so much more to look forward to before the year is out. Only 363 days to go until the next one!

Love from Beth xx

Break to Bournemouth

November has been an interesting month. It started cold and got colder. I’ve been swamped with uni work, Trump became president, it was my sister’s 17^th and my 20^th birthdays, and Tommy went away to Bali for two weeks. I’ve also been struggling through a bout of depression, which I always tend to get around this time of year. So, I was in a desperate need of a break.

Last Friday, on the 25^th, Tommy came back from Bali so I jumped on a train to meet him in Bournemouth. I’m not going to lie here; I was terrified. I get anxious on trains anyway, even when I just have to get one that goes directly there, so when it turned out that I had to get not one, not two, but three trains to get both to and from Bournemouth, I wanted to cry. Nevertheless, I got up at 5am and got a bus to the station with my heart racing. Fortunately, although it was stressful at times with a train blocking one of the lines and delays on another, I got there on time and in one piece.

It was so good to see Tommy again. This was the longest we’d been apart and the least we’d been able to talk since we met, and it was hard. We’ve been officially together for just over three months now and it’s amazing how much a person can mean to you in that short amount of time. Tommy means the world to me.

Once we’d caught up, Tommy then took me to meet his dad, who is so lovely. The three of us then went on a walk around Bournemouth, which included going for lunch and visiting Mary Shelley’s grave. Afterwards, Tommy and I checked into our hotel and promptly both fell asleep. That evening, once we’d woke up from our naps and shook off the grogginess, we went out for cocktails. Oh my god, those Pina Coladas were amazing!

The next morning, Tommy took me out for breakfast. We went for a walk by the sea and then indulged in lots of bacon-and-eggs goodness. After another walk along the beach back to our hotel, which involved lots of talking about tongue twisters (she sells sea shells on the sea shore), we decided to go swimming in the hotel’s pool. Because of a childhood of traumatic swimming lessons in which I was haunted by a lack of body confidence, I never learned to swim, so Tommy taught me. I loved it! Now I want to swim all the time!

Later, we visited Tommy’s friend’s house and went for a meal with them, which was a lot of fun. We were so tired by the end of the night that we crashed out as soon as we got back to the hotel.

The next morning, Tommy bought us drinks and breakfast and we checked out of the hotel at 10am, still half asleep. We then met up with his dad and went for another lovely walk around beautiful Bournemouth, which involved a fun game of mini golf (I didn’t cheat, I swear!). Sadly, the time came when we all had to go our separate ways and head home. Tommy got his coach back to the midlands and I got my train back to uni.

I hate saying goodbye to Tommy. Whenever one of us gets on a train or bus and leaves the other behind, it’s always hard. We want to spend all our time together, but university calls and here I am again, desperately trying to meet my deadlines.

I had such an amazing, lovely time in Bournemouth. I highly recommend it as a seaside place to visit in the UK. Even now in winter, it’s beautiful, with their gorgeous Christmas market full of the mouth-watering smells of sausages cooking and festive fun like ice-skating. I can’t wait to go back again in the new year.

Self-Care Ideas

Everyone gets stressed. Life is stressful. We have so many plans, projects, responsibilities and things to do that it can sometimes get overwhelming. In fact, there are so many things we feel like we need to do that they often take over our lives and we forget the thing that matters most: ourselves.

This is why you need to indulge in yourself every now and then. Self-care is so important for your health and wellbeing, yet it often goes ignored for the ‘bigger’ things.

Not only is self-care important for your mental health, it can also help you achieve your bigger goals. By looking after yourself, you will prepare yourself mentally and physically to take on your to-do list, and as it leaves you feeling refreshed, you will be much more likely to complete your everything that you set out to do.

Let’s take a look at some ways in which you can indulge yourself in some self-care.

List Things

There is something very therapeutic about writing things down. The act of moving things from your mind to paper to then save for later or screw up and throw away, is very calming. You could do this by keeping a diary so that you have somewhere to pour your feelings whenever they get too much, or by simply writing lists of things that you are thinking about. You could list things you need to do, things that are on your mind, things you want to focus on, people you want to talk to, ideas, random thoughts that pop into your head – anything. Sometimes our minds just need a good clear out, and writing things down is one way of doing that.

I keep a bullet journal that I work on every day. Not only does it help me focus my goals and plans for both the near and distant future, it allows me to declutter my mind and gives me a chance to exercise my creativity.

Creativity

Whether you are a creative person or not, taking a little time out of your day to do something creative will help you to no end. Creativity broadens your mind. My favourite thing to do is write stories, but I also enjoy making jewellery, art, baking, cooking, and photography. Finding a creative hobby will help you to both express yourself and relax.

Music

Sometimes when my mind is particularly noisy, it helps to simply put on a pair of headphones and turn up the music so loud that I can’t hear myself. Music is brilliant because it’s so diverse. If you need some positive energy, put on some feel-good music and dance your heart out. If you need to release some energy, throw on a ballad and sing until your lungs are sore. If you need to relax and unwind, slip on a gentle song or a peaceful playlist and ease yourself into a sense of rest.

I have so many playlists on Spotify, each for a different sort of feeling.

Exercise

Photo of my sister doing yoga at Whitby (@Pandaamber14)

I am really not an exercise person but even I know how good you can feel when you take the time to focus on your body every now and then.

I’ve been doing yoga on and off for several years now, but I’ve recently picked it back up again and I have completely fallen in love with it. I got inspired to start again when I stumbled upon some amazingly skilled yogis on Instagram. Of course, you don’t have to be anywhere near their level of ability to reap the benefits of yoga. It stretches out all of your muscles and focuses your mind, and whenever you finish a yoga session, you will always be left feeling refreshed and ready to take on whatever lies ahead of you.

I also enjoy going for walks around nice places when the weather’s good. Sometimes I even go running – not that I run very far. Even so, every time I return home from a run, I feel a huge sense of accomplishment and I feel energised and ready to take on the day. I like to do exercise straight after I wake up so that I don’t have any time to back out of it, and then it’s done and out of the way for the day. It might seem like a lot of effort before you do it, but trust me; when you finish a good workout, you will feel amazing.

Meditation

Meditation might not be everyone’s cup of tea. It wasn’t mine for a long time, but I’d read a lot about its benefits and rewards on the internet and I was curious. Then when I learned my boyfriend practises meditation, I decided to look into it and ended up getting the Headspace app on my phone. Headspace offers guided meditation and so far, I absolutely love it!

On the outside, sitting and thinking about nothing might seem like a waste of time but I’ve found that taking ten minutes out of my day to just breathe works some kind of magic. Sometimes I wake up with my mind whirling and all it takes is ten minutes of meditation to calm and refresh me. It’s a great way to start the day, and it’s a great way to end it too. If you ever find yourself struggling to fall asleep, a little bit of meditation can easily remedy the situation.

Meditation declutters your mind and helps you to focus on your body and soul, without all of the worries and stresses of life in your way. I highly recommend it.

Quiet Time

Even if you don’t want to give meditation a go, a little bit of peace and quiet goes a really long way. Turn off the TV and listen to the quiet that fills the room instead. Brew yourself a cup of tea and curl up with a good book. Sit outside in your garden and soak up the sun. Listen to the natural world around you and take it all in. Maybe go for a walk.

Just taking this little bit of time to yourself, to sit and think, will make you feel wonderful.

Other Self-Care Ideas

In case none of the above tickled your fancy, here is a list of self-care ideas for you to indulge in.

• Eat healthily – the way you eat can hugely impact how you feel.
• Eat unhealthily – tuck into your favourite bar of chocolate or cupcake for a boost of pure joy.
• Go for a walk somewhere new
• Have a picnic with your friends
• Indulge in a hot bubble bath
• Read a good book
• Have a hot chocolate on a cold day
• Have an ice cream on a hot day
• Listen to the rain
• Dance in your room as you get ready for the day
• Go on holiday
• Go for a day trip
• Go on a road trip
• Light a scented candle
• Turn off your alarm clock
• Talk to someone you love
• Have a good stretch
• Paint your nails
• Apply a face mask
• Use a colouring book
• Binge watch a TV series
• Write someone a letter even if you don’t send it
• Hug someone
• Enjoy the little things

All About Bullet Journals

My bullet journal is my little book of everything. If you know me in real life, chances are you’ve heard me going on about this little book at one point or another. For those of you who don’t know what it is, a bullet journal is essentially a diary/to-do-list/organiser that is completely customisable to you. Many people, me included, have found it to be an absolute lifesaver.

Whether you’re a busy mother, a chaotic student, a global traveller, or simply someone who wants their life to be a bit more organised, the bullet journal will help to get things in order and keep you on track.

The most exciting thing about the bullet journal is that you can use it however you want. Some people like to cover their pages in beautiful colours and decorations while others prefer to keep their pages clean, filling their pages with tidy lists and no-fuss to-dos. Personally, I like to get creative with mine but that normally just means drawing a nice looking layout and adding a bit of colour.

I have found that the bullet journal works for me because it makes me want to keep using it. The freedom and creativity it allows me prevents me from getting bored or forgetting about it. I love creating the pages and writing about whatever I want. I love giving myself patterns to follow and not follow within my layouts. It's every organised and non-organised person's dream.

I’ll do my best to explain the system from the start but I recommend you take a look at the official bullet journal website if you want to get a better idea of the concept.

The Key

 

I started my bullet journal with a key which I use to help categorise and check off my to-do lists. As you can see in the picture, a square is a task to complete, a circle is an appointment to go to, a triangle is a university-related to-do, a star is social media related and a heart is friends and family related. If I complete the to-do, I put a cross in the shape. If I decide not to do it anymore, I put a line through it, and if I decide to do it on another day, I’ll put an arrow to indicate that I’ve forwarded it. A bullet point is for any notes I might want to jot down during the day.

It's up to you how you choose to customise your key, if you want to use one at all. I highly recommend you do because it really helps to keep you focused and organised.

Contents

One of the standout things about the bullet journal system is that you number the pages as you go and then log the pages on your contents/index page so that you can easily find it again in the future if you need to. When you start, you’ll want to leave a few blank pages to fill in later. I left five pages for my contents and I’m halfway through the fifth now so you might want to leave a few more. It’s just another simple method that adds to a more organised life.

Year Overview

After you’ve written out your key and left a few blank pages for your contents, it’s a good idea to create an overview of the year. This way, you can easily note down any future plans that you can then refer back to when you create that month’s spread.

Back in April when I started bullet journaling, I created a map of my goals for the year ahead. I decided to split my goals up into categories and it’s only been a few months but I’ve already accomplished most of them. Just the act of writing them down settled them in my mind and I’ve made a conscious effort ever since to do work towards them. Looking back now and seeing just how many of them I’ve done is so rewarding.

Month Overview

After your yearly overview, you might want to create monthly overviews. This is where you can map out your upcoming month in more detail. In April, my sister was due her baby girl so I decorated my April spread accordingly. I wrote the days down the left side then split each day into morning, afternoon and evening tasks. I also wrote a list of goals that I wanted to accomplish by the end of the month.

Week Overview

The weekly overview goes into even more detail than the monthly overview. I like to make little lists of my goals for the week, projects that I’m working on, a few to-dos that I need to complete, and sleep trackers. On the next page, I map out my week and all of the tasks and appointments I have planned.

I’ve tried a lot of weekly spreads over the months, but when summer started and I didn’t have university to take over my life anymore, I found that I could ditch the daily spread all together and instead I migrated my daily to-dos into this weekly plan. When I go back to uni and have more to do again, I’ll go back to dailies but for now, this weekly spread is enough for me.

Dailies

When I was at uni, my bullet journal was an absolute lifesaver, mainly because of these daily spreads. I would draw my next day out every night before I went to bed, although as you can see here, I would sometimes accidentally skip a couple of days.

The timeline at the top of each day was a plan of how I wanted my day to go, then I would list everything I planned to do that day. I also drew a little box in which I wrote what I planned to make for dinner.

When you’ve got a lot to do or a lot on your mind, it’s so helpful to sit down and invest a little time in getting it down on paper. When it’s laid out in front of you, it will all look so much easier to accomplish. It will help you to set realistic goals for your day and your future, and more often than not, you will also find yourself achieving much more than you originally thought you could.

Other Pages

This page is my habit tracker for the month. As you can see, I’ve not been the most attentive with my good habits. I even missed out almost an entire week, but it gives me something to aim for, and I can see when I’m slacking and what I’m slacking in, and pick up from there.

I’ve tried doing weekly habit trackers on my weekly spread before, but I’ve found that I prefer the monthly version because there’s much more room to add to it if I want to start tracking something new. For example, this month, I’ve started working on the miracle morning routine (more on this in a future blog post), so I added that to my tracker.

The possibilities of the bullet journal are endless. You can use it however you want, for whatever you want. Everything is entirely customisable to you. If you find something isn't working, change it. If you find yourself needing something new, add it.

These are only a few of the pages in my journal. There’s so much more in there but the thing about bullet journals is that they’re immensely personal. I scribble my entire life into mine. However, there are so many sources of inspiration for the bullet journal all over the internet. I’m part of the Bullet Journal Junkies group of Facebook, which is a constant source of inspiration where hundreds of very talented and organised people share their thoughts and pictures of bullet journals every day. Also one of my favourite ways to spend free time is to scroll through Instagram and Pinterest, where so many photos of beautiful bullet journal pages are posted. There are lots of YouTube videos about them, too. One of my favourite bullet journalists on the internet – and an inspirer to hundreds of other dedicated bullet journalists – is Kara from Boho Berry. I highly recommend that you take a look at her blog if you want to know more about them.

Some lovely, talented bullet journalists have allowed me to share with you some photos of their own bullet journal spreads. If you want to see more of their stuff, follow the links to their pages. I hope this blog post has inspired you in some way. Would you like to start a bullet journal? Or if you already have one, how do you customise it to suit you? Let me know in the comments; I’d love to have a chat about it.

Photo by @annaslettering on Instagram.

Photo by @nittany_bujo on Instagram.

Photo by @painted_illustrated on Instagram.

Photo by @thepinktravellerblog on Instagram.